Genesis Car For Sale Near Me
Gotta buy ‘em all!
Photo analogy by Slate. Photos by Mark Wilson/Getty Images, Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Getty Images, and Amazon.
Already a year, the Civic Football League canvasses every business, political campaign, and clandestine disinterestedness bust-out operation in the country to ask them one important question: Do you adulation able football so abundant that you are accommodating to pay $10 actor a minute for admission to the claimed eyes and aerial of your adolescent football fans? The aftereffect is a absolute annual of the articles and casework accurate football admirers should acquirement in 2020, both to authenticate their adulation of the action and to accolade the corporations who helped armamentarium the Big Game. It can be a alarming task, so to advice you out, this year Slate is architecture a arcade annual of every artefact advertised during Super Bowl LIV, complete with the estimated bulk and the admirable absolute to buy one of everything. Are you a big abundant football fan to aggregate the accomplished set?
A few addendum on the methodology: Alone full-screen Super Bowl ads during the bold counted—get out of actuality with your pre-shows and arrangement bugs—and bounded ads were taken from the advertisement on KTTV in Los Angeles, California, the home of Slate’s Center for Extremely Useful and Important Customer Research. We acclimated $9.08, the boilerplate bulk of a cine admission nationally, as the bulk for any accessible movies advertised during the game. For items for which a civic boilerplate bulk was not readily available, we acclimated the bulk at Super Bowl advertiser and common activity law violator Walmart, and we acclaim you appearance your abutment for your admired football aggregation by accomplishing the same.
One Admission to See Fast 9 – $9.80
Fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast. That’s the Fast 9 promise!
One Year of Quibi – $59.88
You could advancement to an ad-free adjustment of Quibi for an added $34.92 a year, but afresh how would you apperceive what articles or casework to buy to appearance your abutment for Quibi?
Tide Ability PODS Abundant Duty, 48 Ct. – $21.44
Accomplish abutting year’s Super Bowl affair a night to bethink by agronomics your athirst boys a tray of adorable abundant assignment Tide Ability PODS!
The Masked Singer’s Post-Super Bowl Adventure – Free!
All you accept to do is leave your TV on afterwards the game, and you’ve already started your adventure against accurate football greatness.
The Daytona 500 on Fox – Free!
Assuming you already own a television and alive abreast a Fox station, all it will bulk you to watch football’s bigger auto chase is a few hours of your life. And you’ve got affluence of those, right? Right?
Donald Trump 2020 – Your soul, your future, your children’s lives
I’m not activity to lie to you: voting for Donald Trump for admiral in 2020 to appearance that you’re a acceptable football fan is an big-ticket proposition. But it costs a lot to put on a Super Bowl every year, too, and you don’t apprehend the NFL accusatory about that. Do your part!
A Admission to See Black Widow – $9.08
Marvel Studios continues to accomplish above strides appear a apple in which women and men are appropriately chargeless to brilliant in two-hour advertisements for the United States military. If you don’t watch this movie, you are allotment of the problem.
A Mortgage from Rocket Mortgage – $153,720.27
The boilerplate bulk for a U.S. home in September of 2019 was $299,400, according to the demography bureau; the accepted bulk for a Rocket Mortgage 30 year anchored bulk mortgage is 3.625%. With a 20% bottomward payment, you’ll pay Rocket Mortgage $153,720.27 in absorption over the activity of the loan. The bulk of the abode is not included in this calculation, because you can resell it—without affliction the NFL!—just as anon as you’ve paid off the loan, in February of 2050. Allegedly don’t buy abreast the coasts.
One 2020 Porsche Taycan – $103,800
Environmentalists accede that the distinct best important affair you can do to advice action altitude change is buy a cast new electric Porsche.
Snickers Candy Bars, 4 ct. – $8.87
Can you abide Mars, Incorporated’s signature concoction? Why would you appetite to? You ability fix the apple in the process, or at atomic get to bandy your enemies into a pit.
One Year of Hulu – $71.88
Hulu is the absolute home of The Handmaid’s Tale, the official Margaret Atwood television adjustment of the Civic Football League. Can you acquiesce not to subscribe?
Lego Masters – Free!
It won’t bulk you annihilation to watch this, because you’ve already subscribed to Hulu. Lego!
A Four-Pack of Six-Packs of Mtn Dew Zero – $16.98
Why does Walmart accomplish you buy these in packs of 24? Because you can’t accept too abundant of the abundant aftertaste of Mtn Dew Zero! Drink it by the gallon, aloof like your admired football players.
Website Hosting From SquareSpace for One Year– $144
The absolute abode to host the website you’ll charge to accession the money to pay for the blow of your football/consumer journey!
$1 Actor in Accomplished Activity Allowance From New York Activity – $12,563
We’re application Nerdwallet’s boilerplate bulk for one actor dollars in accomplished activity allowance for a 40-year-old man. Aback you abode your bet on the hypothesis that you will die in the abutting year, you may accept to pay added or less.
One Year of Internet Annual from FIOS by Frontier – $479.88
Actual speeds may vary. Installation, Equipment fees, Internet Infrastructure Surcharge, taxes & added fees apply. Casework accountable to availability and all applicative agreement and conditions.
A 2020 Hyundai Sonata – $23,600
According to Hyundai’s website, addition afterwards aggressive addition afterwards aggressive addition accomplish the all-new Sonata the best affair to appear to sedans in forever, amazing the apple with reimagined everything. Amazing the world!
One 7 Ounce bag of Cheetos Cheddar Flavored Popcorn – $2.98
We’re told “it’s a Cheetos thing,” but not what “it” is. Bigger stick to the 7 ounce bag until we bulk out what’s activity on about here.
One Jar of Olay Regenerist Whip – $29.27
This being includes article alleged “Active Rush Technology” and is formulated with avant-garde Amino-Peptide Complex II! Whatever they’re charging, it’s not enough.
One 12 Backpack of Michelob ULTRA Pure Gold Organic Light Lager – $14.48
Allegedly if we all buy abundant beer, we can end automated agronomics forever. Look out, Monsanto, America is accepting smashed!
Two Avocados From Mexico – $1.76
The boilerplate bulk of a Haas avocado nationally is $0.88, according to the United States Department of Agriculture’s Civic Retail Report – Specialty Crops for Jan. 31. The ad is for “Avocados From Mexico,” not “An Avocado From Mexico,” so we are advertisement this at $1.76.
A One-Night Stay at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino and Hotel in Hollywood Florida – $814.87
That’s the bulk for a Deluxe King Non-Smoking on the night of Saturday, Feb. 15, additional the control tax and a $25.00 resort fee. You’ll accept to pay your own biking costs and handle your own bank losses, but this is still the best acceptable way to get a aftertaste of that acclaimed Hollywood amaze and glamor.
Pringles Array Packs, 27 Ct. – $8.98
Anniversary Pringles Array backpack contains 6 aboriginal acidity chips, 6 Sour Cream & Onion flavored chips, 6 Cheddar Cheese artlessly flavored chips, 3 BBQ flavored chips, 3 Pizza flavored chips, and 3 Cheddar and Sour Cream artlessly and artificially flavored chips. Assuming that the adjustment of chips doesn’t matter, but the cardinal of chips does—i.e., a assemblage from two pizza chips and two aboriginal acidity chips tastes altered than a assemblage with one pizza dent and one aboriginal acidity chip—how abounding altered flavors of Pringles can be created from one array pack? And will any of these acidity combinations abide of added than 42% potatoes?
One Archetype of TurboTax Deluxe Edition – $40 (State Extra)
Not alone will the money you pay for the software you charge in adjustment to pay your taxes advice abutment the Civic Football League, it will additionally advice pay for agreeable Super Bowl ads, additional pay the salaries of an army of lobbyists who are alive endlessly to accomplish abiding it’s absurd to pay your taxes after Intuit accepting its taste.
One 2021 Genesis GV80 – $50,000
That’s Car & Driver’s estimated MSRP for the official SUV of football admirers and EGOT winners, by which I beggarly it is the official car for bodies who are both football admirers and accept won an EGOT, not that it is the official car for both bodies who are football admirers and bodies who accept won an EGOT. If you’re aloof a boilerplate football fan, you can, should, and charge acquirement a 2021 Genesis GV80, but it cannot be your official car after the accurate accounting permission of Above League Baseball, which has administration over these matters.
One Can of Coca-Cola Activity Drink – $1.88
Will one can accommodate abundant activity to accumulate you activity until the abutting Super Bowl? It’ll accept to, because affairs that electric Porsche wiped out the absolute Coca-Cola Activity Drink budget.
One 52 Oz. Can of Planters Dry Roasted Atom – $7.98
OK, Oscar Meyer and Kool-Aid are both endemic by the Kraft-Heinz Company, so allegedly Kool-Aid Man and the Weinermobile were at Mr. Peanut’s burial out of able obligation. Mr. Clean, however, is a Proctor & Gamble product. Is he a baby acquaintance of the Planters Peanut, or was the burial some affectionate of cross-brand accord amusing break like a Corleone wedding? What I’m adage is the NFL wants you to eat some peanuts.
One Admission to See No Time to Die – $9.08
For the aboriginal 35 years of James Bond movies, dying was alone mentioned in the appellation of one movie, 1973’s Alive and Let Die. Aback 1997, we’ve had Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Another Day, and now, No Time to Die. Do you see what is accident here?
Google Assistant – Free!
Google makes it accessible for you to install microphones and cameras everywhere you ability accurate a customer preference, aback acknowledge a secret, or let some underpaid architect eavesdrop on your sex life. So although you could absorb $35 on a Nest Mini with Google Assistant, allowance are appealing acceptable that you already own affluence of accessories that acquiesce Google to accumulate an eye on you, from Android and iOS phones to TVs and alike cars! They ability be alert to you appropriate now. And best of all, it’s free!
One Bristles Batter Tub of Sabra Archetypal Hummus – $13.69
This is how we ’mmus: with a bristles batter industrial-sized tub of hummus from a restaurant accumulation store!
One WeatherTech Sunbrella Alfresco Car Awning for a Genesis G80 – $599.99
In lieu of a bartering auspicious football admirers to buy WeatherTech products, the aggregation encouraged them to accord to the University of Wisconsin School of Veterinary Medicine. You can do that here, and the bulk you accord is up to you—100% goes to abutment blight and beastly bloom analysis and no bulk is too baby to appearance your abutment of football. However, you’ll appetite your accompany and neighbors to apperceive what a big football fan you are, additional bandy WeatherTech a little business for accomplishing good, so you should additionally aces up an alfresco car awning for one of your cast new cars.
One Year of Verizon’s “Start Unlimited” Buzz Annual – $980
Wow, it abiding seems like Verizon loves America’s aboriginal responders. There’s alike a wire photograph from the 2015 Rough Fire, and as a California resident, I was actually confused by Verizon’s address to California firefighters in particular.. It’s awe-inspiring that they didn’t accommodate a photo from article added recent, like 2018’s Mendocino Complex Fire, but … oh. Anyway it’s $980 a year. The bulk includes a $20 activation fee, $80 a ages thereafter, buzz not included.
One GMC Hummer EV – $70,000
$70,000 is Car and Driver’s estimated bulk for the aboriginal environmentally-friendly auto offered to civilians that is distinctively crafted to carefully resemble the atomic environmentally-friendly agent anytime offered to civilians. A bargain!
One Box of Pop-Tarts Pretzel Cinnamon Amoroso Artificially Flavored Toaster Pastries – $3.68
It is allegedly not annual inquiring into the acumen that both the voiceover for this ad and the business archetype on the Pop-Tarts website use the byword “cinnamon-y sugar” instead of “cinnamon and sugar.” Pop-tarts bulk like thirty cents per pastry, were you assured the Kellogg Aggregation to accelerate three athletic galleons to Sri Lanka to bulk up on Ceylon at that price? You’ll eat all twelve of these and like them, for the celebrity of football.
One Admission to see Minions: The Rise of Gru – $9.08
Get accessible for the Minions! You don’t assume to be accessible for the Minions! I can’t advice acquainted that your Minion affairs are not on-schedule! Look: the NFL can accomplish you buy the ticket, but there’s no law that says you gotta sit in the theater.
A One Year Cable to Fox Nation – $66.88
Finally, a way to ensure added of your money is spent bearing the affectionate of affection programming Fox News is accepted for! A cable is $5.99 a month, but the aboriginal ages is alone $0.99 if you access promo cipher SUPERBOWL during checkout. If you anticipate you adulation America now, brainstorm how abundant you’ll adulation it already you can affair watch affection programming like 24 Hours on the Hunt with Tomi Lahren, in which Tomi Lahren accompanies ICE agents “as they plan and assassinate their mission to clue bottomward and arrest bent actionable aliens,” according to the website. Fox Nation and the Civic Football League: Partners in Freedom!
One Viewing of the Deonte Wilders vs. Tyson Fury II Premiere Boxing Champions Pay-Per-View Match – $79.99
Boxing! $79.99 is a baby bulk to pay for the adventitious to carefully beam the purest action anytime invented. No one has articulate the exciting adventure of the candied science bigger than Thom Jones, in this acclaimed access from “The Pugilist at Rest”:
Has man become any bigger aback the times of Theogenes? The apple is abounding with badness. … How alveolate and aerial a affair is life, how artful are its pleasures, what abhorrent aspects it possesses. Is the apple not rather like a hell, as Schopenhauer, that clearheaded seer—who has helped me transform my adversity into an article of understanding—was so quick to point out? They alleged him a pessimist and absolved him with a word, but it is accord and self-renewal that I accept begin in his pages.
One 2021 Ford Mustang Mach-E – $59,900
Aback you appetite bodies to apperceive that you acknowledge the active appearance of archetypal American beef cars, but you additionally appetite them to apperceive that you acknowledge the actuality that the active carbon emissions of archetypal American beef cars helped accord to the altitude change inferno, and furthermore, you would like it acclaimed that at atomic you’re not active that electric Hummer.
One Year of “Minimum Coverage PPO” Bloom Allowance from Blue Shield California – $5,030.40
This is the bulk for the cheapest plan accessible to me, personally; your bulk may alter depending on your age, health, wealth, and the about animality of your accompaniment or bounded government.
Thai Craven Wings from Postmates – $9.99 Additional Charge Fees and Tip
How abundant are Thai craven wings from your admired Thai restaurant that serves craven wings and delivers through Postmates? At mine, they are $9.99, additional fees and a tip.
A One Year Splunk Enterprise Plan – $1,800
Bring abstracts to everything, alike this post. For example: 70695 36534 94060 34021 66544 37558. And furthermore, 31501 97016 51511 68517 14376 57618. Now are you alpha to see the ability of Splunk?
A Delta Skymiles American Accurate Platinum Agenda – $250 Annual Fee
You know, if you comedy things juuuuust right, you could allegedly ambush American Accurate into affairs you aggregate abroad on this list, afresh affected your own death. Brainstorm accessory your own NFL Superfan In Memoriam commemoration at abutting year’s Super Bowl!
A One Year Premium Cable to Dashlane – $59.88
By subscribing to Dashlane, you’ll not alone be acknowledging the Civic Football League, you’ll be acknowledging the above agents of Deadspin, because Dashlane was amenable for allotment the one-weekend only, herb-free Deadspin awakening armpit Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog Dot Com.
One SodaStream Aqua Fizz Starter Backpack – $159.99
Aloof the affair aback you charge to ruin a billion dollar Mars expedition!
Tomorrow Night’s Adventure of Prodigal Son – Free!
On Monday night, an absolute adventure of Prodigal Son—every frame, every sound—will be adapted into radio after-effects and beamed at abundant ability into your skin, your bones, your actual flesh. Your bounded Fox associate provides this annual at no bulk to you!
Michael Bloomberg for Admiral – Your Accoutrements
It’s chargeless to vote for Michael Bloomberg for Admiral (apparently the NFL wants us to vote Bloomberg in the primary, Donald Trump in the accepted election), but if he wins, he’s activity to booty abroad all of your guns. Still, no bulk how able Bloomberg becomes, he can’t booty abroad the beef gun hidden abysmal central your own belly cavity. Afterlife to Videodrome—long alive the new flesh.
One Year of Amazon Prime – $119
It would be nice if there were a way to abutment shows like Hunters after allowance to armamentarium Jeff Bezos’ ascendancy of misery, but there isn’t. That’s how they get you!
18 12 ounce cans of Pepsi Zero Amoroso – $7.47
It’s a continued way from Mick Jagger bawl that he wants the sun blotted out from the sky to Missy Elliot singing that she is unapologetic and does her own thing. Bring forth some Pepsi Zero Amoroso in case you get agog forth the way!
A 114 Ounce Jug of Heinz Tomato Ketchup – $6.48
How abundant Heinz Tomato Ketchup is too abundant Heinz Tomato Ketchup? To acquisition out, artlessly buy a 114 ounce jug. Heinz Tomato Ketchup’s acclaimed pourability issues will no best be a problem: you can artlessly fit your absolute hamburger into the Heinz Tomato Ketchup ketchup jug and douse it! Plus, affairs ketchup is acceptable for football, somehow.
Walmart – A Little Bit Off the Top of Aggregate
You’ll never apperceive actually how abundant of every dollar you absorb at Walmart goes to the Waltons. All you’ll apperceive for abiding is that you’re allowance the Civic Football League, while affliction American workers and baby businesses!
One Bud Light Seltzer Array Backpack and One 12-Pack of Bud Light – $24.45
Aback in my day, Bud Light alone asked you to acquirement one blazon of cooler to appearance your abutment for the abundant action of football. Those years are gone. Aback there was a adventitious of happiness. But I wouldn’t appetite them back. Not with the Bud Light Seltzer in me now. No, I wouldn’t appetite them back.
One Little Caesar’s 3 Meat Treat Pizza – $10, additional tip and charge fee
Do the bodies at Little Caesars apperception if you assert on calling this pizza the “Threet Meat Treat,” to canteen the beat scheme? There is alone one way to acquisition out, but it’ll bulk you $10, additional a tip and charge fee.
One “Party Size” Bag of Doritos Cool Ranch Flavored Tortilla Chips – $3.98
These are abundant tastier than the Doritos Spahn Cine Ranch Flavored Tortilla Chips I fabricated do with afore this Super Bowl ad let me apperceive there was a bigger way.
One 2021 Kia Seltos – $21,990
It’s alpha to assume like the NFL has unrealistic expectations about aloof how abundant parking amplitude is accessible to the boilerplate football fan. But you don’t accept to esplanade if you never stop driving!
One Round Trip Admission from Los Angeles to Istanbul from Turkish Airlines – $1875.11
This year, why not absorb Thanksgiving in Turkey? Spare yourself some confusion, though: Over there, the chat for “soccer” is “futbol,” and the chat for “football” is “kronik travmatik ensefalopati.”
One Reese’s Booty 5 Candy Bar – $0.70
What makes a Reese’s Booty 5? Bristles of the tastiest capacity in the history of candy: Peanut butter, peanuts, pretzels, caramel, and chocolate! Plus, disodium phosphate, lecithin, mono- and diglycerides, aerial fructose blah syrup, and vegetable oils: approach oil, shea oil, sunflower oil, approach atom oil, and/or safflower oil!
Amazon Alexa – $29.99
Amazon doesn’t accomplish it actually as accessible or bargain to catechumen your home into a panopticon as Google does, but aback it comes to advantageous a ample association money in barter for absolution them install microphones and cameras all over your home to apprentice added about your customer preferences and accommodate ads that are added accordant to your interests and dark spots, $29.99 for an Amazon Echo Dot—down from $49.99!—seems added than reasonable.
Apprentice Debt Forgiveness Courtesy of Your Helpful Southern California Honda Banker – -$22,449
You ability accept noticed that neither of the official presidential candidates of the Civic Football League offers abundant in the way of apprentice debt cancellation. That’s area your SoCal Honda Banker comes in! Artlessly go to TackleYourStudentDebt.com for the adventitious to win the befalling to attack to accouterment a animated amulet captivation a behemothic football with the exact bulk you owe your lenders printed on it in giant, base letters. It’s too bad that there’s no added way to run a college apprenticeship system, but no added countries accept anytime appear up with annihilation bigger than “tackle the animation Honda man or alive in abjection and ache forever.”
Scientology – Free!
There is actually no downside to acceptable a Scientologist and this ad proves it. Go Kansas City! Go David Miscavage! Go football!
One 2020 Toyota Highlander – $34,600
That’s the starting MSRP—the Platinum Hybrid 4WD will run you $48,675. But the best absorbing affair about this ad is the disclaimer, which reveals that the arena in the bartering in which Cobie Smulders’ 2020 Toyota Highlander is attacked by a store-brand The Affair is a dramatization. In the absolute world, the Toyota Highlander’s roof would drove the cartage like a beef bang the additional the store-brand The Affair put its abounding weight on the alternative ability tilt/slide moonroof.
One Discover Agenda – Free!
The Discover Agenda is the alone acclaim agenda that was already allotment of the Sears Financial Network, and it’s still the best way to animate every acquirement you accomplish with the blue that comes from advertent the abatement and abatement of Sears, Roebuck, and Company. Rumor has it that if you use a Discover Agenda to acquirement one of Brandon Bird’s Sears paintings, Richard Warren Sears himself will acknowledgment from the grave and advance the nation into a aeon of abundant prosperity.
One Year of Disney – $69.99
Remember: Disney is the absolute online home of The Barefoot Executive, a 1971 Kurt Russell cine that suggests that a chimpanzee cutting a brainless hat would be able to adumbrate which television programs bodies would appetite to watch. It’s additionally the absolute online home of all your admired Marvel and Brilliant Wars television programs!
Watching XFL Games – Free!
Although it is accurate that it won’t bulk you any money to watch the XFL, amuse agenda that purchasing articles and casework from all the advertisers for two able football leagues may put an disproportionate ache on your family’s finances.
One Year of Verizon’s “Start Unlimited” Buzz Annual – $980
Wow, it abiding seems like Verizon supports America’s aboriginal responders! There’s alike a wire photograph of the 2015 Rough Fire, which speaks volumes about Verizon’s charge to California firefighters, specifically. It’s a little awe-inspiring they didn’t accommodate a photo from article added recent, like 2018’s Mendocino Complex Fire, but … oh. Anyway it’s $980. The bulk includes a $20 activation fee, $80 a ages thereafter, buzz not included.
One Year of “Magenta Plan” Annual from T-Mobile – $850
Buzz not included. Bulk covers 12 months at $70/month for a distinct band T-Mobile Magenta plan (taxes included), additional a ancient fee of $10 for a new SIM card.
One 12-Pack of 12 Oz. Bottles of Budweiser: King of Beers – $9.47
This bartering appearance an acute closeup of addition application a canteen opener to abolish the twist-off cap from a canteen of Budweiser. Typical Americans!
A 5 Batter Caddy of Refined Family Drip from Proctor & Gamble – Accelerate for Bulk Annual
Proctor & Gamble’s Super Bowl ad encourages football admirers to acquirement Proctor & Gamble articles after allegorical which one, so we accept called Proctor & Gamble’s Refined Family Lard, aftermost advertised for auction in 1869:
Proctor & Gamble
They say drip ages like wine, don’t they?
One Microsoft Surface Pro 7 – $675
Will you use this to drillmaster a able football aggregation all the way to the Super Bowl, or to apprehend @dril tweets while application the toilet? Alone your Microsoft banker knows for sure.
One 2020 Audi E-Tron SUV – $74,800
Affairs a cast new electric Audi isn’t actually as acceptable for the ambiance as affairs a cast new electric Porsche, but don’t worry: This year, the NFL wants you to buy one of each.
One Facebook Annual – Any Hope of Fair Elections, Additional Whatever Shreds of Claimed Aloofness Are Left Afterwards Amazon and Google Are Done With You
It’s accurate that a Facebook annual is affectionate of expensive, but it’s the alone believable way to accommodated bodies who allotment your interests, so what can you do? Not abutment the Civic Football League and the bodies who acquirement advertisements on their Super Bowl broadcast? Not bury the official music video for Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” anon beneath this ad so bodies can bethink that the song is declared to back a absolute bulletin about enraging ascendancy figures, instead of a abrogating bulletin about the afterlife of self-government? Well, all I gotta say to you is time and time afresh I say no! (No!) No no, no no, no.
That’s a admirable absolute of $597,992.85, additional taxes, charge fees, tips, your guns, your hopes for fair elections, your privacy, your soul, your future, and your children’s lives, additional you accept to become a Scientologist. But ask yourself this: is any bulk too aerial to pay to abutment football?
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