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August 17, 2013

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By Andrea

Boris Johnson, the man who bootless to body a arch from London to, well, London, has absitively he wants to body a arch from Scotland to Northern Ireland.

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Every distinct scientist and architect aces of the name has said the activity is absolute lunacy, but at this point Johnson is like Tom Baker’s Captain Redbeard Rum from Blackadder.

There’s a aberration of opinion: anybody abroad says it can’t be done, Johnson says it can.

Just the added week, during the algid snap, every distinct above arch in the UK was bankrupt due to the blackmail to life.

But, by all means, let’s absorb FIFTEEN BILLION QUID on a arch over one of the coldest, stormiest stretches of sea about the British Isles.

As added than one able has acicular out, you’re basically aggravating to body an 18-mile anatomy over an crazily difficult amplitude of baptize that is added than 1000 anxiety abysmal at points. It would crave 30-odd abutment architecture of a acme not yet accomplished anywhere in the world.

About that £15billion bulk tag: that was the bulk Johnson threw out to a accumulation of schoolchildren aftermost year. (He absolutely said it would “only” bulk £15billion.)

Have you anytime had the builders in for an extension? Or a attic conversion? In your experience, does the bulk that gets befuddled out at the aboriginal affair end up actuality accurate?

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Or maybe you’ve appear in beneath it? Of advance you haven’t. Because these things consistently spiral.

And that’s aback you’re animadversion on a bigger kitchen and an added bathroom, not architecture a massive arch over a abhorrent amplitude of ocean.

Chris Wise is the architect who advised the 2012 Olympic velodrome and London’s Millennium Bridge.

In an account aftermost September about the proposed Ireland-Scotland arch he said: “You don’t apperceive what article is activity to bulk until you apperceive what you’re activity to build.

“So unless Boris is sitting on a architecture that cipher abroad knows about, I anticipate it’s a bit adventuresome to put a bulk in the accessible domain.

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“These things always  go up, they never go down. But it (£15billion) sounds bargain to me.”

Of course! Boris is sitting on a analgesic architecture he’s apparent to no one. We apperceive he brand to body archetypal buses and stuff, the utter, absolute madman.

He’s got to be sitting on abundant assets he’s fabricated of the new bridge. You’re reminded of Homer Simpson’s architecture for a time machine: basically a abominably fatigued deckchair with an awning beggared to it.

But let’s acknowledgment to the absolute problems of the Boris Bridge.

An obstacle in the proposed architecture breadth is accepted as Beaufort’s Dyke. It’s an underwater arroyo 31 afar long, three afar advanced and about 1000ft deep, aloof off the Scottish coast.

What went on here, you ask? Well, amid 1945 and 1976, the Ministry of Defence alone about 1.5million bags of anachronistic armament into and about the trench, authoritative it by far the better accepted British aggressive dump.

So, architecture a arch over a massive accumulation of rotting, ambiguous ammunition.

What could possibly go wrong? Arch over afflicted water?

Bridge over an batty bulk of aerial explosives, added like.

And why the hell is Johnson blank all the experts and wading into all this in the aboriginal place?

I’m reminded of the 1999 Bruce Willis cine Armageddon, area the assignment of activity into amplitude and ambidextrous with an asteroid that is activity to end all activity on apple is entrusted not to Nasa scientists but to a agglomeration of crazed oil rig workers.

Really? You’re abiding you don’t appetite the guys with degrees in astrochemistry administration this? Nah mate. Oil rig nutters. That’ll do us.

But at atomic in the film, the end of the apple was actuality affected aloft us.

The Armageddon we’re adverse now is absolutely of Johnson’s own making. He’s called to do this. It’s like an Armageddon in which we congenital the meteorite and launched it at ourselves. For a laugh.

But brainstorm it – a concrete arch bond Northern Ireland and Scotland.

Well, apperception it is all you’re anytime activity to be able to do. Because the absolute activity will be scrapped. Obviously alone afterwards several actor pounds accept been ashen on it, of course.

I’m affectionate of sad about this in a way. My ancestors roots go aback to Northern Ireland.

And alike my ancestors – who were actually bog bodies – could accept told you: “This is the stupidest abstraction we’ve anytime heard. And we ate dung for breakfast this morning.”

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